I made a huge error the other day. I hurt someone very close to me unintentionally. I thought what I was doing was trying to spare this person's feelings or trying to keep her from knowing a particular piece of information, but what I was really doing was causing her emotional turmoil. What was I thinking? Why couldn't I just be upfront with everything? Instead I ultimately risked something beautiful I had. I know she is hurting cause I'm hurting; I feel guilty that I put her in this position, I wish I could go back and change things, but I know thats not possible. So now, I'm in limbo. I'm waiting for her decision, does she want to continue what we have and give me a chance to right my wrongs, or does she just want to say bye and end it. I hope she doesn't choose the latter. I pray she doesn't. You know what hurt me the most if anything, she said I was just like every other guy. I strive so much to be different from them other fools out there, but I some how always fall into the same category. I don't want to be like every other guy, I want to be different, so I can be unique. But maybe trying to be so different, I didn't see myself falling into that general category. I do honestly feel horrible and I do apologize, I guess now its more about action and less about words. I'm having a lost of words now; I'm speechless, I don't have an appetite to eat, I haven't slept right and what makes things worse is that I am in Reston, VA and I won't be able to hop on a flight till 8, so I'll be stuck with my thoughts replaying in my head for the rest of the day, while I continue to text her, and she responds very sporadically.
"Dreamed of you this morning, then came the dawn, and I thought you were here with me. If you could only see, how much I love you, you'd want to trust me" -Marvin Gaye "Soon I'll Be Loving You Again"